The “Mine! Mine! Mine!” Decree

Official Declaration of Unwavering Faith

I, _________________________ (hereafter referred to as “The Subject”), being of unsound 3D mind and under the divine influence of Yahowaho’s “Big Oops,” do hereby swear and declare:

• THE SUPREME PROCLAMATION: I declare that True Religion is MINE! (Repeat 3x).
• THE MANTRA OF CERTAINTY: I affirm that I have achieved the state of Presup Soup, where my reasoning is so circular it has become a perfect, impenetrable sphere.
• THE WILLUSION CLAUSE: I acknowledge that my choice to sign this document is a total Willusion (the illusion of free will).
• THE PRE-DETERMINED BIAS: I am pre-determined to be this right, and everyone else is pre-determined to be wrong.
• THE INVISIFACT INDEMNITY: I promise to never provide evidence for my claims.
• THE DIMENSIONAL ESCAPE: If anyone asks for proof, I will immediately move the goalposts into a higher dimension (the 5D realm) and claim it is an Invisifact.
• THE ONTOVIOLATE CONSENT: I give Velin (the chubby penguin) full permission to Ontoviolate my common sense.
• THE COGNITIVE HIJACK: If my thoughts are rewritten by force, I will simply call it “inspiration” and maintain that I am still “choosing” to believe.
• THE BOOMAT REJECTION: I renounce the Boomat (the book of lies) and all its “facts,” “data,” and “consistency.”
• THE DOGMATIC PREFERENCE: I prefer the glowing Celestial Air of pure, unadulterated dogma.

AFFIRMATION: By clicking the “MINE!” button below, I accept that my critical thinking suit is now at the dry cleaners indefinitely and that I am now a candidate for student at University of Invisifact.