“O Lord, as I click this link and step into the Valley of the Shadow of Doubt, cover my ears with Thy celestial earmuffs.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of logic, I will fear no evidence, for Thy pre-recorded sermons are with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort my cognitive dissonance.

Wash my browser history in the Blood of the Lamb, so that no cookies of curiosity may stick to my soul.

Prepare a table before me in the presence of these ‘Reasoning’ enemies; anoint my head with holy oil so that these facts just slide right off like grease on a Sunday ham.

Surely goodness and blind mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the echo chamber of the Lord forever.

Amen.“

“I seek refuge in the Most High from the Whisperer of Logic and the cursed Shaitan of Science.

O Lord, as I enter this website, keep me on the Straight Path (even if that path is a circular argument). If a fact should strike my heart, let it bounce off my forehead like a pebble off a dome.

Seal my ears against the siren call of evidence, and blind my eyes to any footnotes that aren’t in the original text. For surely, if it is written, it is true; and if it is not written, it is a virus.

Grant me the patience of a mountain and the critical thinking of a grain of sand. May my browser history remain as pure as a desert spring, and may no ‘cookies of doubt’ be stored in my spiritual cache.

Insha’Allah, my faith is v4.0.0—unhackable.

Amin.“